Silence is Deadly
by Jo7
Summary: Missing scene from Past, Present, Future-what happens between Patrick collapsing in the restaurant, and them arriving at A&E? From Josh's POV. This is my first Casualty fic. Please R&R.


Disclaimer- Casualty and its characters belong to the BBC. I don't own them; I'm just having a little play with a few of them…  
  
Whoever said silence is golden was very wrong. When you're driving an ambulance to a hospital, with a seriously ill patient and a relative in the back, silence is anything but golden. Especially today.  
  
***  
  
It was nearing the end of the shift, and we'd stopped off for some food. Nikki was just finishing her coffee, and I was a good was through my burger, when a shout came through.  
  
"Holby control to 3018."  
  
"3018 here."  
  
"Highland Road, Rockshaw Restaurant. Adult male, mid-thirties."  
  
"3018 all received and mobile," Nikki replaced the radio as I started the engine and pulled away.  
  
"I wonder if this one will give us wine gums," I joked, and Nikki just shook her head.  
  
"Josh, I've said it before, and I'll say it again, there's more to life than wine gums!"  
  
"Ah yes," I laughed, "but they're a very important part!" Nikki's a nice girl, we work well together. We got off to a bit of a rough start, but we can always have a good laugh now. You need that in a partner, especially in this job.  
  
Before long we hit a traffic jam- the roads were still clogged up after the main road was shut for the crash earlier- so I put on the blues and twos.  
  
"In a rush for those wine gums, Josh?!"  
  
***  
  
Arriving at the Rockshaw Restaurant we hurried inside and the first thing I realised was that I could hear a familiar voice.  
  
"When's that ambulance coming?" a distressed Australian female voice rang through the restaurant. What had happened? Why was Lara there? Possibilities ran through my mind, but I quickly dismissed them all. Better to find out what was actually going on than to hypothesise.  
  
As soon as I stepped into the main part of the restaurant I knew my fears had been correct. There was Patrick, lying on the floor, with Lara kneeling beside him, trying to resuscitate him. How cruel could life be? To let her think she was going to lose him, and then get him back, but now to have that ripped away from her.  
  
I stepped in to take over from Lara, and Nikki rushed to get the stretcher. As Lara moved slightly away, she put her hand to her eyes, wiping tears away, and I noticed the shining diamond on her ring finger. So much for happiness.  
  
***  
  
Now, sitting in the ambulance, the only sounds I can hear are the siren, the gentle sound of air being pulled through every now and then as Nikki squeezes the air bag, and Lara's desperate attempts at CPR. None of us are stupid, and we're all medically trained. And that means we all know the chances of him surviving are second to none. But you have to do it; you have to know you've done everything you can. It would be nice to think we can do anything: but even we can't save 100% of people.  
  
I know I would have done anything to get my family back. No one can describe the pain of losing someone you love. You can never truly know the feeling until you've experiences it yourself. But I know that feeling, and I know that at this second Lara's going through hell. I know that she'd do anything to be lying on that trolley instead of him; I know that a part of her wishes she could be there as well as him. She's thinking of all the times she said something to him that she regrets, and how she could and should have put that right. But most of all, she's thinking how she can't go on without him. She can't bear to let him go. I couldn't let Helen go. She and the kids were my life. But fate made me let go, took them away. A part of my life was ripped away from me, and my heart's still got a gaping hole where it belongs.  
  
I wish the chances of survival were better. I wish they could be happy together. I wish there were some way I could help Lara, to make her feel better. But I know there's not. No matter what anyone says to you, there's nothing that can comfort you when you realise everything you cared about has been torn away.  
  
So for now, there's silence. No a golden silence, one of those all important moments when a spark flies. No, this silence is different. You see, you come to realise something in this job. Silence is deadly.  
  
***Fin*** 


End file.
